Friday, February1, 2008

It is two weeks, today that John was in surgery. In fact, at 1915, that is when we finally got to see John. It is so amazing to comprehend that 2 weeks ago, was so incredibly different. It has been hard to go to work everyday and leave John at home. He has had 3 sessions of physical therapy this week, and it is obviously going to take some time for John to regain his movement and strength in his left bicep.
Now, I am going to talk a little bit about me. It is so true, that you don't know how strong you are until you have to go through some of lives hardest lessons. John and I have always relied on one another to get through hard days. From the beginning of our marriage, we moved from St. Louis to New Jersey, then to Maryland, after we had Christopher. We did not have family near to help us with childcare, so we just worked opposite schedules and took care of our little boys. Along the way we had some wonderful friends who were more like family than friends. Over the years, a lot of Chris and Marcus' friends parents, became our friends, as well. We found that we became friends with those that had similar values, and beliefs as we did. A lot of those friends helped to mold who we are today. What I am noticing about myself right now, is that I want so badly to get back to the life we had before the accident, and I truly don't know if that will occur. I understand it is normal to try to get back to our life as much as possible, but I am afraid that my husband will not be able to achieve the things that he has loved to do. He loves playing softball, and playing golf. I believe he has really enjoyed just being able to still be out there on the softball field, especially when Chris and Marcus are both playing in the same league. He enjoys golf, not because he is a great golfer, but because he enjoys the fun and comaraderie with his buddies. I know he will figure this out, but I am scared for him. He has always been the one to tell me things will be all right. I am trying to do that for him, but I am scared that I may not be correct. Why am I scared? I think because this has been such an incredible miraculous recovery, I am afraid to hope for a complete recovery. I am just still shaken to my core. I feel helpless. I cannot control this, and I have to just be patient and move forward the best I can.